17 May 2025 – An Attempt to identify and share some Feelings

My last Diary entry suggested a new departure – so here goes!

I want to share with you some of my inner feelings, resonances and emotions, in the remaining pages of my Diary.  And today I am beginning with a performance of ‘A Mass of Life’ in which I took part recently. [You all will know that this piece by my friend Frederick Delius has featured prominently in my life]

I took my place among the 2^nd Violins, surrounded by a huge orchestra, a large chorus of voices, and a full-capacity audience.

Here are just three emotions which remain with me:

1. The Will to Power

At the opening of this monumental work [composed in 1907], the full Chorus and Orchestra open with a dynamic affirmation of the ‘Will’ – ‘O du mein Wille……’ [O my Will! Defender against despair most precious part of me].  It emphasises and affirms the power of the human will over all things.

In an early performance under Sir Thomas Beecham, the String section of the orchestra was instructed to attack the music with all physical power, with bows as hammers.  In this most recent experience, however, the Leader reminded us that our ‘bow strokes’ are circular, not vertical ‘up-down’ attacking actions. For me, the concept of Power and the human Will, now took on a more fluid, flowing resonance – not ‘angular’, and far less ‘controlling’.  This was a powerful emotional realisation for me.

• Resonance

The second part of the ‘Mass’, entitled ‘On the Mountains’, begins with a solo horn [off stage] playing freely and almost silently, with an echo, while the Strings accompany the soloist, muted and pp [pianissimo], the bow hardly touching the strings.

Something resonated in my frame and body as the horn’s plaintive sounds reached me.  Delius’s known affection for the sounds in high mountains was expressed through the wood of my frame. I am aware that the tree from which I was hewn had once stood and sung in the mountainous region of the Sudetenland.  I felt ‘at one’ with nature at this moment.

• Unexpected Surprise

Towards the end of the ‘Mass’ there is a beautiful setting of Nitezsche’s poem ‘Mitternachtslied’, sung by the Baritone soloist, sparingly accompanied by the Orchestra. This section encapsulates the idea of ‘eternal recurrence’, Nietzsche’s all-pervading theme, which has no room for any hopeful transformation or loving intervention.

As we played this sublime music, I sensed I was making a new resonant sound not heard before.  For many, this great work by Delius, leaves them depressed a little.  For me, at the moment of this ‘Mitternachtslied’, I was surprised by unexpected beauty.

I  have many other emotions I can share, but may I  repeat my request from last time – please let me know if you have a favourite piece of music, for I would love to share my feelings about it!